Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
