just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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