we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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