I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
