saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
