You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
