Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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