Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
