so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
