So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
