Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
