I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
