she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
