i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We are all done wearing pants today
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
