I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
