Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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