the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
