thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
