handjob tips. give me some.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
