I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
