I wanna passion pit in your ass
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
