she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
