haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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