I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
