I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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