we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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