anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
