I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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