Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
