just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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