sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
