Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Congratulations! We have a period
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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