I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
