so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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