Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
