hotel room ftw
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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