i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
