So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
