i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
