I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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