Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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