My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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