i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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