I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
