rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
