you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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