oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
