all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
