Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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