I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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